When God Slams the Door

Photo by Ell Brown on Flickr
It’s taken me awhile to be able to write this. Two months ago I wrote, “The Making of a Marine Mom.” This is the sequel.

No matter how difficult that road was, I never thought it would be a dead end. That we would have to turn around and come back the way we came.

My son was medically discharged from the Marines. There was no graduation, no Family Day at the Depot, no pomp and circumstance, and no beautiful uniform. What emerged from the airplane was my son who looked like a Marine, was mistaken for a Marine coming home from war, but was not a Marine. He was broken, trying to hold onto his dignity in the midst of being torn down mercilessly, but never getting a chance to be built back up again. That was the plan. But it was not to be.

And so we move on, slowly. Letting go of Plan A, searching desperately for Plan B, and all the while asking God, “Why?”

Why does God sometimes intervene in our plans that seem so perfect? Why does He sometimes slam the door in our faces? We prayed for direction, we prepared. Why didn’t God throw a wrench into the works before we got our hopes up? Why couldn’t he have failed medical early? Why? Why? Why?

An obscure song from the 70s comes to mind by a little-known group called Shalom: “I said, ‘Lord, but this dream! It was good for me.’ He said, ‘Yes, it was good; but not best for thee. Do you trust me?’”

Do I trust Him? Do I trust Him with the things that grip my heart? With my son? With my son’s future?

I heard a great sermon yesterday on the will of God from Acts 16. The same questions could be asked, “Why did God allow Paul and Silas to be beaten, thrown into jail, and put into the stocks before He intervened?” The answer: Because it was His WILL. Many were saved in the process. Pain for some, salvation for many. Kind of sounds like the Marines. How ironic.

God isn’t bound by circumstances. He isn’t afraid of pain. And He isn’t limited by time. We make our plans as seems best to us, but He is the one who directs our steps. And He directs our steps in a way that is multi-dimensional, completely redeeming, and takes into consideration not just one life, but many. He has the big picture, down to the smallest detail.

There will undoubtedly be a Part Three to this story. As we look into the rear view mirror with 20/20 hindsight, we will see what He had in mind.

So, I’m choosing not to ask why anymore. There is no why, but only WHO. And as I grow closer to knowing WHO He is, I feel indescribable peace. I choose to trust Him.

About Victoria

Victoria is wife to a chief with the California Highway Patrol and mom to four children, ages 21-12. After a ten-year season of homeschooling and teaching Bible studies, she began a new career and ministry as the author of A CHiP on my Shoulder - How to Love Your Cop with Attitude. She ministers to police families all over the country and beyond as mentor, author, speaker, and friend.